Balls of Steel Episode 14: Crouching Ogre, Hidden Fuq Boi
WARNING: The following episode of Balls of Steel is based on a variety of true stories. So for your entertainment purposes, they have been changed up slightly to avoid legal troubles. Enjoy. “Last time on Balls of Steel…” “Our final four competitors went at it in a modernized edition of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Where Mr. Max Goof himself aka Dark came out victorious. Then, back at camp, there were suggestions about voting out Grass. But in the end, although Dark threw his vote at Grass, everyone else voted for bipolar Ally, including Ally herself. Sending her packing back to Montana. Three remain, who will plunge next? Find out tonight on Balls! Of! Steel!” (Intro plays) (Merge Camp- Day 37) (Chip and Grass are sitting across from each other with the campfire in front of them) Grass: Chip, I just wanna let you know. This whole alliance stuff. It’s over. Every man and troll for themselves now. Chip: I couldn’t agree more. *trollface* Grass: Say, where’s Dark? Dark: Right here, boi. (Dark walks out from the tent, wearing a robe of some sorts, as he joins Chip and Grass) Chip: Well good morning, Darky. Dark: Good morning to you as well, Trainee Chunk. Chip: Trainee? But I am THE Master!...... The Troll Master, that is. TROLLOLOLOL! Grass: Oh I see Dark. No love for Boograssi I see. Dark: Boograssi didn’t say hi to Master Yodark when he saw him, so for today, he gets an F. Chip: Ha! F! Just like Your sex life, Grass. Grass: That’s not what your mother told me last night. Dark: Oh kill ‘em! Chip: You see, that would have been clever, IF it weren’t for the fact it’s impossible since last night we would still be out here on this island! Grass: Mhm. Sure Feb… Anyways…… So then there were three… Dark: Yep. Grass: Well boi’s, I just want to say it’s been a wild journey, but it’s time to break ways. Chip: Agreed Dark: Damn Grass, have you forgot I voted you last time? Grass: Shut yo Goofy ass up. >.> Dark: I would, but I’m just…. Grass: Don’t you dare say it! Dark: Too Max Goof to shut up!!! B) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grass: *In Confessional* I HAVE to win this final challenge if I wanna win this thing. Then you’ll see the true powers of Boograssi B) Dark: *In Confessional* Looks like it’s time for Max Goof to finally step up his A-game! B) Chip: *In Confessional* I have yet to win a single challenge since the merge. But this is my last chance to prove myself to the others, and the world, that the Troll Master is THE Master of Life! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Immunity Challenge- Day 38) Chwiis: Oi mates! You guys ready for your final immunity challenge? Dark: Nope. Chwiis: Jew mad, bro? Dark: Nah, I’m too Max Goof to- (Grass places his hand over Dark’s mouth) Chip: I think what he means is, we’re ready for you to explain the challenge. Chwiis: Anyways….. You see that volcano over there? *points over to the same volcano where Ally fell into last episode* Well, there’s a trail that goes around it and eventually leads you to the top. First to get to the top and cross the finish line, wins immunity and will advance to the finale. Grass: Why do I have a feeling that isn’t all? Chwiis: You’re right, Grass. There’s more. As you move your way up the volcano, there are three stages you must complete first. The first stage happens shortly after you begin, you must successfully marathon all four Shrek films, plus the Puss In Boots spin-off AND all of those straight-to-DVD holiday specials. Once you are done, press the red button next to you. Then move on. Then, for the second stage, which is about half-way through, you must have some sexy time with Garret. (We see Garret naked on a bed with a blanket covering him ,as he is waiting for the contestants to have their way with him) Once you are done with that, press the red button near you and move on. And that’s where the third stage gets really tricky. For the last stage, Ethan Oka will be waiting in front of a gate that leads to the top of the volcano. You will approach him and he’ll ask you a question. Answer correctly, and he’ll let you through. But answer wrong, and you’ll be sent flying all the way back to the beginning. Chip: Sounds simple. Chwiis: Oh, and there are all sorts of obstacles and random stuff that will come flying your way as you go. So be cautious. (Chip, Dark, and Grass are all standing at the starting line) Aqua: Ok slayers! On your marks…. Get Set…. GO! *honks horn* (All three contestants run to the volcano and being hiking up the trail, it’s a fairly even race, until suddenly Chip gets run over by a school bus) Grass: LMAO! *gets hit in the nuts with a flying football* Deez nuts…. Dark: *dodges a basketball flying towards him and it hits Grass in the face instead* I’m just too Max Goof to get hit by- *gets smashed by an anvil* Chip: You were saying? (The three then reach the first stage, all bruised, bloody, and beaten up, as they sit on a large couch in front of a flat-screen TV) Grass: Well, at least we can finally relax from this obstacle stuff and enjoy us some animated fun! (Three hours later and they finish watching Shrek 2) Chip: This ain’t so bad *eats popcorn* Dark: Ikr! *eating a hot dog* (They then get halfway through Shrek the Third) Grass: Ok I can’t take anymore of this torture. *rips his fucking eyeballs out* (They then finish Shrek Forever After and Puss In Boots) Chip: Alright, this is getting a little bit better… (Another five hours pass and they are halfway through the holiday specials) Chip: I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! *slits throat* Dark: *is sleeping* (Finally, the marathon is all over) Grass: It’s all over boi’s! Dark: Woohoo! (The three then press the red button, marking their checkpoints, but as they begin to move on towards the second stage, Chip comes up with a dirty idea) Chip: *Throws Grass off the edge of trail, making him fall a good hundred feet or so* Grass: YOU SON OF A BIIIIIIITTTCCHHHH! *disappears into jungle trees* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chip: *In Confessional* It was getting kind of boring plus the race was too even still. So, I decided to spice things up a bit. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Dark and Chip continue to run up the trail) Chip: Man, this is some great exercise! *gets hit by a flying squigga* Squigga: SQUIGGA!!!!! *gets shot by the TDRPW Police* Dark: Damn, that was some discrimination right there. *gets jumped by a posse of llamas* D’Oh! (Both Chip and Dark then reach the second stage, where they meet Garret in a bed) Garret: OMG! HELLO! :D Chip: Let’s just get this over with. (Chip and Dark have their way with garret and finish in 20 minutes) Dark: Welp, now I know my sexuality. (Chip and Dark press the button and move on) Garret: Hey, where are you two going!? I was just getting started ;) (Grass then catches up to the second stage, covered in leaves and tree twigs) Grass: Alright, what now? Garret: You have to cum over here and please me ;) Grass: Oh God…. Welp, time to do it like I did back in the good ol’ days *takes a couple of viagra pills* (Grass joins Garret in bed and finishes in 5 seconds) Grass: *pushes button and moves on* Just like the good ol’ days B) Garret: B-But….. That wasn’t even…. *twitches and wraps self in blanket, traumatized* Grass: *catches up with Chip and Dark* Caught ya, bitches! Chip: Nice job, you are officially a freak! *rolls eyes* (The three of them reach the third and final stage: Ethan and the gate) Dark: *approaches Ethan* I’m too Max Goof not to go first. Ethan: Ok….. What is the longest living species of birds? Dark: The crow? Ethan: WRONG! *blows up Dark* Next! Grass: Welp, guess I’ll go next Ethan: What is round, large, and has hair all over it’s ass? Grass: Your mom? Ethan: NO! WRONG AGAIN! DIE! *blows up Grass* Chip: Guess this is my only shot *walks up to Ethan* Ethan: What color is my underwear? Chip: What kind of a question is that!? Ethan: Um…. I dunno! *blows up from not being able to answer Chip’s question* Chip: Ha! TROLLOLOLOLOL! *walks through gate and crosses finish line at the top* Chwiis: Never thought I’d be saying this, but…. Chip wins immunity! First time ever, but it was on the challenge that was most important. So congrats! Chip: YEEEEEEESSSS! YES YES YES! SUCK IT, LOSERS! WOOOOHOOOO!!! (Dark and Grass reach the top and see Chip’s celebration) Grass: Great, now he’s in control. Dark: Ah shit. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Grass: *In Confessional* It seems my time out here is finished. Shout out to all my peeps back at home. When I get back, my Pizza Hut better be there in 30 minutes or less. >.> Dark: *In Confessional* Welp, looks like Papa Goof is gonna see his son back home sooner than he expected. Sorry Papa, I tried. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Hurl of Shame- Night 39) Chwiis: So tonight is the last time someone will be launched via the Hurl of Shame. *sighs* Not gonna lie, I’m gonna miss this thing. Just like I’ll miss co-hosting with you, Aqua. Aqua: Lol I won’t. As soon as this is all over I’m outta here and done with TDRPW in general! Chwiis: Shush, m8! Besides, we’re gonna be allies in season 2 anyways. So don’t blow it! Aqua: *rolls eyes* Chwiis: Anwyays…… Chip, you’ve had a whole day to think of this important decision. So it all comes down to this: Who are you gonna eliminate? Chip: Well, to be quite frank I don’t like either one of you but…. Chwiis: Come on, spit it out, mong. Chip: You’re a bigger threat to win, Grass. So see ya! Grass: Of course. *sighs* Welp, your bitchass better win this thing for me, Dark. Dark: Don’t worry Grass. This guy has no idea what he’s dealing with. B) Grass: *gets on top of Hurl of Shame* Chwiis: And so to continue tradition, any last words? Grass: Pfft. The only last words you deserve from me are DEEZ NUTS! Chwiis: Thus why you are no longer in the game. Goodbye, fgt! Aqua: *launches catapult, sending Grass flying* Grass: GGOOOOOOOTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! Dark: And with that, I expand my dong. Chwiis: Quiet you mong! *bitchslaps Dark* Anwyays, folks, it’s official. Chip and Dark will be duking it out in the finale! You don’t wanna miss it, so tune in next time on Balls! Of! Steel! (End) (Preview for Episode 15 plays) “Next time on Balls of Steel…” “After 14 episodes, it’s all come down to this: Two guys going at it to succeed their million dollar dreams! Who will win: Chip or Dark? Where will the lives of the contestants go after the show is over?” “It all happens next week on Balls of Steel, Episode 15: Max Goof vs The Troll Master: The Final Showdown” (End of preview) Category:Balls of Steel Series Category:Created by Rocky XXVII Category:Fanfictions